William Bennett and Others who don't Get it

Recently on his radio talk show, William Bennett made this comment in a discussion about the crime rate:

"I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down."

Because he called the idea of aborting every black baby “morally reprehensible,” he does not understand why his statement is still offensive to some people.

He does not get it!

Mr. Bennett, what you have done is singled out one particular race and essentially said that this race is solely responsible for crime, or at least the majority of crime, in our country. Further more, you seem to have forgotten the many African American citizens of this country who are not involved in criminal activity but rather are morally good standing people who contribute a worth of value to the betterment of community, both on the local and national level.

As we all know, crime seems to breed where poverty exists. And ANYONE who has ever spent time with any person, regardless of race, who lives in poverty, knows that some of the circumstances which contribute to their lifestyle of poverty were never in their control. Circumstances like where the community they were born into, the family they were born into (healthy vs. dysfunctional), the educational opportunities that were available to them (and anyone who is connected to the Memphis City Schools know that not every educational system is equally as good as another), and might we say that because racism is still a factor in the United States that being born a different race than white into a different environment than middle to upper class is a factor as well.

So Mr. Bennett, and to all the others who share your ridiculous opinion. Listen up: I spent two years, which is not much, working in a jail ministry. Most of the prisoners I spoke with were in jail for some reason that was related to drug addictions. Now I certainly believe that each one of those prisoners had committed a certain act(s) that justified their presence in the county jail. But how interesting it is to know how quickly society responds, and how much money the tax payers will pay in support of, when these adult men and women commit an illegal act and one that infringes on the rights of other. But where was society when these adult prisoners were children having no choice but to grow up in environments where abuse, neglect, negative influences (often drugs and alcohol), etc… were a normal way of life for them, teaching them such dysfunctional lifestyles?

So, if you want to curb the crime rate… Try investing yourself in the life of the children who are forced to grow up in these environments.

People often ask my wife why she continues to teach in an inner city school. She does so because she knows that often, though not always the case, she is possibly the one positive role model who will have an opportunity for influence on these children. She does so because she knows as a Christian, that God has blessed her so that she can bless the least of these.

Grieving with the Suffering

The other day I was in to pick up some family portrait pictures. The sales person was showing me the pictures we had made to make sure I thought they turned out fine (they did). She noticed in the picture that we had one child (our 8-month old daughter). But for some reason she asked me if that was the only child we had. Well it isn't and even though there is no easy way to tell someone that you have a son who died, I am not about to pretend that I don't have another child when I am asked about it. So I responded to her and simply said, "We have a son also." I did not really want to elaborate too much but she went on to ask how old he is. Well there is no way to answer that one without simply telling the truth. So I told her that our Son passed away when he was three days old.

As you can imagine, she was taken back a bit and you could tell she really did not know how to respond. BUT she responded any ways. She said, "I am sorry! Three days old? He mines well have not even been born."

Now I was taken back. My son, better off not even being born? NO WAY! I told her that I was glad to have the three days with Kenny that we did have and that I would never wish them away.

Thankfully, it has been over three years now since my wife and I lost our son Kenny. Because I am able to handle hearing the ridiculous comments, which I am sure are made with the intension of being comforting rather than malicious.

But this illustrates a point that I cannot emphasize enough. Our world is full of people who experience forms of suffering that go beyond another person's ability to imagine such pain. It does not necessarily need to be the death of a child. Suffering can exist in the form of divorce, death of any close friend or relative (especially spouses, children, and parents & siblings), being the victim of a violent crime and abuse, depression and other emotional disorders, being stricken with a horrible illness or injury, etc...

When we witness others suffering, we are often left without knowing what to say or what to do. That's OK! I have lost a father, a son, and now a younger brother. I still do not know what to say to people who have experienced the death of someone they love. When my son died, many people would say the famous nine words "I am sorry, I don't know what to say." That is enough, by being there and saying those nine words said more than they could ever say with any other words. Furthermore, being there and only being able to say those nine words does not do any more harm.

What those who are beginning to suffer do not need to hear, is little statements like the one mentioned at the beginning of this post that are intended to comfort but really pour salt on an open wound. What sufferers need - and Christians and Churches take notice of this - is people who will be there for them, allow the sufferer to grieve in their own way (so long as it is not harmful to them or someone else), allow the sufferer to grieve openly when they want to, someone who will do the mundane things that they cannot think about at the moment, and someone who will just listen to them. If you will listen then eventually God will provide you with something to say or do that is helpful and if you listen and do not judge or criticize your suffering friend, then they will give you the opportunity to help them.

One of the greatest gifts my friends at the Wednesday Night Bible Study house group ever gave me, was a place where my wife and I could grieve freely without judgment and a place where there was friends who would just sit back and listen.

I Struggle (Pt. 2)

Earlier tonight, just after my church’s Wednesday Evening Bible Study dismissed, a man entered are building. He had a fairly neat appearance but still somewhat disheveled, enough that I figured he was seeking some sort of benevolence help. My congregation is located along one of the busier streets in Memphis in a lower economic section of the city. I introduced myself and asked his name (I always try to speak to people like they are important and are a friend), and he said his name was Richard (if that was the truth). He said that his family was stuck in Jackson, MS and he needed enough gas to get him to Jackson and back (which is a three hour round trip). The church agreed that I would take the church credit card to the gas station and fill this man’s gas tank up for him.

While getting the credit card from the church office along with my friend, colleague, and mission partner, there was a commotion taking place. It turned out that this man, who called himself Richard, had stolen a purse from my friend’s wife in front of her children. Nobody was physically harmed, the man got away, and my friend’s wife was able to recover her purse and all of her belongings.

After the police came and finished filling out their investigative report, my family gathered with my friend’s family and another family and I led a prayer thanking God that there was no physical harm done to anyone, as such a scenario could have turned out much worse. We also prayed for Richard that he would be released from what ever evil presence captivated him so much that he was willing to commit a crime and endanger the lives of others for his own sake.

Sounds good, huh? But I was really dishonest. We are taught to pray for our enemies, to love our enemies, etc… That is what I wanted to do but in all honesty, when I was praying, I was hoping that Richard would be caught and would receive the full weight of the law. I was really wishing that I could have caught him so that I might be able to give him a little “old-school” justice. I was… You get the point!

And now as I have had some time to reflect, I wonder. I wonder why I did not see this coming. After all, he was a stranger. But I have been taught to welcome the stranger (i.e. Matt. 25.31-46). Well maybe I should not have been so trusting of this man. But I try not to judge people based on the present status but rather based on what they could be in Christ (i.e. 2 Cor. 5.16 – heck, that’s even part of my ministry philosophy). And while I struggle, I must not forget the very important thing – my actions, good or bad, affect more people than just myself.

So why am I ranting about this. Well, at my church I just finished preaching a series of sermons on how we should treat the poor, weak, disconnected, and needy individuals in our society, trying to encourage greater faith in ministering to those people who sometimes scare us middle-class white folks. The problem is that most of these people in our neighborhood also have personal demons and addictions that make them a possible danger to be around.

So I continue to struggle. I struggle to treat these people with grace, dignity, love, and genuine compassion despite what ever reasons I suspect may have played a role in forming their present lifestyle. I struggle because the life of Jesus tells me and calls me to welcome these people without reservation, but my experience (especially when it’s your friend’s wife who is the victim) tells me to be cautious and never trust.

And so I continue to struggle…

Katrina: Playing the blam game

I originally posted this breif thought as a response to another blog, see http://www.kendallball.net/archives/20050909/pointing-fingers/ I do not know what it is like to loose everything in a natural disaster, be displaced without a home, be separated from loved ones, and even be facing the reality that some of my loved ones have perished as a result of this tragedy… but I do know what it is like to suffer tragedy. I have buried a son and a younger brother within the last three years. At both furnerals, I heard people who wanted to speculate on the resonsibility for such tragedy (in my case the discussion was either God, incompetent Doctors, and people). I wish they all would SHUT UP! They are not helpful in the least way possible and they do not help me one bit in the process of living life “one step at a time” after such a tragedy.
My point: would those, from the right and left, who just want to speculate on whose to blame just keep your thoughts to your self because you are not helping anyone who is suffering. What has happened cannot be undone, and no matter how much blame can be placed upon one person or group, it will not change the past events one bit—nor will it help the survivors of Katrina go one living in the furture. After the rebuilding of their lives has become more of a tangible reality, then there will be an opportunity to discuss what went wrong and what needs to be improved for the future.